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Bald-Faced Lies

A Casual Overview of Some Online Friends, Except That I’m Barking Mad

Snarkout

This guy is crazy smart and more than a little crazy himself. I liked his Feb. 2 post on hot chicks in planes. I can only imagine having sex with Loise Thaden, but Snark helps me imagine. He can kind of get out of control though, like when he calls John Gruden a “butt pirate.” That’s just not cool, Snark, but shine on you crazy diamond! Overall his site is, as Beerbohm Tree remarked, “Funny without being vulgar.”

Calamondin [site gone – ed.]

Before you ask, “calamondin” is Nepalese for “eat shit.” This wacky gal is quite the misanthrope, and sometimes it’s hard to read her crazed paranoid ramblings, but I love this woman, so I just usually get really drunk before surfing there. She runs some nutty-ass project called “20 Inch Thingies” and the less said about that, the better. You dirty girl!

Brad [ed. note: Brad’s site is gone, but this is a nice tribute]

For a manic-depressive, agoraphobic Christian hog butcher, Brad is pretty funny. He can kind of get a little one-note with the whole abstinence thing, but he tries to stay happy-go-lucky between court appearances. Once a year, Brad goes off his meds and runs around in a killing frenzy; his pet name for it is “Breaking Heads with Brad.” But you’re the best, Brad! I’m pulling for you on the extradition thing!

John 13

What can you say about John 13? He’s a story. It couldn’t have been easy being Manitoba’s first test-tube baby (the other 12 were tragically lost thanks to an errant hungry dog), but John persevered and now of course is Professor of Transgender Issues at Brown college. His weblog is kind of a sprawl, but the whimsical animated flower .gifs and hippie art can be childishly endearing. A movie was made about Johnny once called “The Boy in the Hilarious Canadian Bubble,” but he doesn’t like to talk about it, I think because the kid who played him was Ben Affleck, and how gay is that? (Whoops! Sorry Perfesser! You know I loves ya!)

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