Nickels and Dimes

Grasping Bastards Want My Money

If you are like me and have rotten, destructo-credit, let me give you a small bit of advice:

Never, ever pay off any of your old debts. Assume that good old Thoreau was dispensing advice, and maintain your steady-state life of quiet desperation. Because terrible things happen once you start taking care of those old debts.

Things like, well, you didn’t remember all of those old debts. But they’re there. And there you are, sucker, actually taking some responsibility and paying off somebody. You fool. Now there’s blood in the water. You’ve basically raised a giant flag to the disgruntled lenders of the world that says, “HEY, I MIGHT NOT BE A FUCKING DEADBEAT AFTER ALL! WHY NOT CALL ME UP RIGHT NOW AND DEMAND THE MONEY I OWE YOU! PERHAPS YOU’D LIKE TO KICK ME IN THE BALLS TOO!”

Of course, you might not be as stupid as me. This is devoutly to be hoped. But if you even suspect yourself of having near-me levels of dumbitude, heed my warning. Don’t pay those old debts. Scurry about like a starving rat. You’ll be much happier. I can’t believe these bastards want my money that I rightfully owe them. It just burns my ass.