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It's All About ME

Conversations In and Around My Body

Virus 1: What’s up?

Virus 2: Nothing.

Virus 1: Want to go fuck with Skot?

Virus 2: Yeah!

Skot’s Immune System: Hold it right there, you bastards!

Virus 1: Up yours.

Virus 2: Get lost!

Skot’s Immune System: Sorry to bother you. Go right in.

[The viruses throw a house party at which several million guests are in attendance. The viruses insist on playing “Cheeseburger in Paradise” at high volume.]

Brain: Jesus God. Jimmy Buffett attack! I must void stomach contents!

Stomach: We’ve got nothing down here but ramen noodles and whisky anyway.

Liver: Don’t even talk to me.

Viruses: HEAVEN ON EARTH WITH AN ONION SLICE!

Small bowel: They’re making me twitchy.

[The rectum does not say anything, but mewls softly in his dread.]

Esophagus: We’re all suffering, people. I’m getting gang-fucked by these lymph nodes up here. Jesus, back the fuck up!

Lymph nodes: We can’t help it! We’re just big-boned! Talk to brain!

Stomach: Brain? Yeah, he’s a help. ‘More beer and cigarettes!” That’s all that guy says.

Lungs: Great, more cigarettes. Just what me and heart need. What the hell is rectum crying about, anyway? We’re the ones who get nailed.

Rectum: Dude, do you have any idea what goes on down here?

Viruses: I’M JUST A CHEESEBURGER IN PARADISE!

Brain: Oh, this is horrible. Hands! Beer and a cigarette! Now!

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