It's All About ME

There is a Thing Lodged in My Skull

Tonight starts the last weekend of performances for the dinky little cabaret I’m doing. I will dress up in my finest and in a couple hours I’ll be strutting across the stage belting out (to the extent that I belt, which is minimal; my technique might more accurately be described as Sans-A-Belt) lyrics like this:

I’ve got a tiny little pot

A little pot with tiny bells

A magic nose who sniffs and tells

And all of this we made ourselves

To entertain the princess

Ah! Ooh! It sings and dances too!

A veritable hit parade

To which your guests can promenade

While they sip their lemonade

And eat their blintzes

Seriously. Go ahead and get that cocktail you’re suddenly craving. I’ll wait. Yes, I’ll be right here, humming the ineradicable goddamn song about dancing cookware that will never, ever leave my head.

In fact, bring me a cocktail too. Make mine a double.